Not much to say.  Daniel is 10 weeks and about 10 pounds.  He is thinking about sleeping through the night; he did it earlier this week.  He is probably going to be better at it than I, since my old friend insomnia is back, this despite my record-breaking time of abstinence from caffeine (none since the birth).  I do eat dark chocolate for breakfast though.  Well, for pre-breakfast.

Which reminds me.  People will tell you that breast feeding is a great way to "shed those pregnancy pounds" and as usual, they are big fat liars.  Well, big skinny liars, perhaps; because it probably worked for them.  Breastfeeding supposedly burns an extra 300-500 calories a day, but what they don't tell you is that it causes an extra 500-1000 calories' worth of appetite. Holy crap. Are you going to eat that?  I am so hungry.  I am countering with some serious exercise, strength training, cardio, the whole bit.  I'm also trying to really love vegetables and eat a lot of them.  But I'll probably still gain until the breastfeeding is over.

The good news is that getting pregnant, having the baby, breastfeeding, and caring for the little guy have been really healing for my sense of femininity.  Feminine is not about girliness, pink, or making my voice go up at the end of a sentence any more for me.  It's this strong primal mother thing; it's about growing another person inside me and surviving, it's about getting him out of me alive & kicking, and now it's about nurturing him.  Every day he is figuring out more about who I am and how much he needs me and I love it. 

Of course that is what I wanted so much out of pregnancy and motherhood, and it helps me put some of the body image stuff into perspective.  Yeah, I'm fat, but you would be too. Yeah, I'm fat, but if I can survive being pregnant, grow another human and keep him healthy, I guess I can probably lift a few weights and eat a few vegetables.  Yeah, it took a long time to get pregnant and bring this little guy into the world and it'll probably take a while to take the weight off too.  Whatever.  If I can patiently shush, rock, walk and wait my baby through an hour of screamy fussiness*, I can also find the patience to be gradual about weight loss & getting back into shape.

*Yeah I know.  Only one hour.  We are very fortunate.

This is what I wake up to every day: