In my quest to turn the baby, today I went to an acupuncturist.  I am used to Dr. Lee, who I went to for years in Chicago.  She was very doctor-like: she would tell me that she could (or maybe) could do what we needed, such as increase blood flow to the uterus or raise my "qi," whatever that means, and then make me comfortable and start sticking the needles in.

Today's acupuncturist was different.  He spoke very softly and wanted us to have rapport.  He also wanted to get into my head in a big way about how I am approaching the idea of the baby being in a "suboptimal" position, the risk of C-section, the risk of external version, and whether I feel ready, generally, to birth the baby.

At first I was thinking oh for pete's sake, let's just get this show on the road.  But the more we talked, the more I thought he might have a point.   Whether or not my ambivalence has anything to do with my baby being in a distinctly un-ready-for-birth position or not, it would be a good idea to look at my ambivalence anyway.

For example, I am happy to tell you that i know the baby can come whenever and that I am OK with that.  But my nursery is so not ready, and the boxes of stuff that come daily since my baby shower remain unopened.  And then there is the Name Thing.  My husband and I just can't come up with one that we can agree on, and I wonder if part of that isn't that we just are waiting to make sure that there really is a baby.

All of which is normal but what am I waiting for?  To feel ready?  Probably, I never will.  I think I'd be better off to get the bags packed, and the nursery ready(er), and then if I have to sit and sob about how I'm so scared and I'm not ready, that's okay.  I can have my physical ducks in a row even if I still feel scared.  And waiting to feel "ready" is just my way of controlling things, which I am pretty sure I won't be able to. 

So, the acupuncture guy gave me homework.  I'm supposed to talk to the baby, "spirit-to-spirit," and ask him what his plans are.  Are you gonna put your head down, or what?  And I'm also supposed to get my mind right whether that means ready or that just means surrendered to not feeling ready.

After the talking in soft voices was over, he burned the "moxa" – which he warned me ahead of time "smells a lot like pot" – underneath my pinky toes until I said I felt the heat.  He did this a few times, and then burned more moxa near a point on my inner calf and a few other points.  Then he put needles into the same spots.  I asked him what the non-toes points were for and he said one was for nausea (I do feel pretty good), one for my "heart," which in acupuncture-speak is emotions, and a few more for a "happy baby."

It may sound ridiculous but there are studies showing that moxibustion is effective.

It was relaxing.  The baby has been moving a lot since yesterday and I wish I could grab myself and figure out where he is, but I haven't been able to be sure about that yet.

So… was all this: the talking, the communicating with the baby spirit-to-spirit, the idea that my attitude has some influence on his position, just too out there? 

Not for me.  I think any emotional housekeeping i do is right on time, and it'll either help him get with the program, or it'll help me find peace with whatever happens next. 

I'm off to the chiropractor for some Webster technique now.  more about that later…