I'm in a bit of a pattern: big doctor's appointment Monday.  Last week: the first ultrasound looked good –

"looked good" for me meant the impossibly good fortune of it NOT BEING ECTOPIC –

followed by euphoria, or something like it, followed by a week of diminishing confidence.  Now that it's Saturday, my next appointment on Monday looms.  We're supposed to see the heartbeat.  I'm nervous again.  Even though I have every reason to hope.  Not to get my numbers on, because nobody reads it when I do, but really: early positive betas, betas over 100 at the 14-day mark, 100% rise, and age of egg means approximately 90% chance of live birth for me and this little peanut. 

Which reminds me.  As a jaded IVF veteran, I always rolled my eyes when reading pregnant bloggers' cute names for their babies in utero.  "Bug," "bean," little code names, just made me urpy.  (Of course, now I'm feeling a little urpy all the time but that's something to celebrate).  Complete with little love notes written directly to the, uh, uterine entity, asking it to "stick around for, oh, eight more months."   et cetera.

Like I said: jaded.  I am very jaded.  Add jaded to unpregnant and I had zero tolerance for anything cute or hopeful.  And I'm sure it wasn't the cuteness of the names but my unpregnantness that really bugged me.

But I do understand the urge to name the uterine entity in a way that acknowledges its status.  It gives us a little distance.  We're not ready to think of him/her as Caitlin or Jaden yet – in my case it will never, ever be Caitlin or Jaden since those names are soooooo not my cup of tea – and that's safer in case of a loss.  So I can see how people decide to just call it Monkey or some such thing.

So as my jaded-ness melts like Frosty the Snowman, I'm naming.  I'm leaning towards something secret-agent-ish, like "the passenger."  Helps remind me that we're trying not to tell, though I think post-heartbeat my resolve is going to crumble in a big way. 

Any thoughts on the naming of uterine entities?

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