Beta, shmeta.  I'm not buying it.  I had all this lovely nausea earlier in the week and around the second beta it has receded.  Not completely gone.  I am thanking God for the second beta every day otherwise I'd be freaking out for sure. 

I still believe I'm pregnant but not completely.  I feel a lot of changes, tiredness, sleepiness, weirdness with appetite, blah blah blah.  It's just so bizarre. Just like that?  I wonder.  What was so hard about that?  Some embryos just die and some really live.  I hope these stay in the latter category but it's all so capricious and completely out of my control.  I still have this fear that they'll just die, God knows it happens.  But whether they keep growing or not is almost completely out of my hands.  Sometimes that's comforting, sometimes not.

I'm just telling myself that it's a marathon, not a sprint.  It's kind of a sprint for them, with the doubling / tripling numbers and how fast they grow at the beginning.  But for me this probably has to be about all kinds of patience. 

It's probably not too soon to say that I am acutely aware of anyone reading who just had a negative, or a shitty beta, or some other bad result.  I am acutely aware that I might be one of those blogs that gives you the desert island feeling – you know, where you're still standing there while the rescue boat comes, but only some people get to get on.  I am sorry to be the giver of pain, and when the day comes that I forget to be grateful, that I whine about the little things instead of appreciating the big things, you can say so.  This is my blog, and I invite it.  Say it because it needs to be said, or say it because it makes you feel better, or both. 

Advertisements