First of all, Tracy Flanagan, MD, Director of Women’s Health of Kaiser Permanente Northern California, says that instead of drinking caffeine, we should:

Learn to perk up instead with natural energy boosts like a brisk walk, yoga stretches, snacking on dried fruits and nuts.

That is so irritating.  Yoga stretches, my ass.  I’d like to "perk up" by beating her senseless.

Whew!  I feel more awake already.  Where was I?

Oh, yes.  I saw it.  Pregnant women’s recommended dose of caffeine has now been slivered to, well, nothing, by a new study that connects more than 200 mg. of caffeine to significant miscarriage risk, between 200 mg. and 0 to some miscarriage risk, and saintly, yoga-stretching, fruit and nut-nibbling 0 mg. of caffeine to (comparatively) low rate of miscarriage and living happily ever after.

Read the NYTimes version of the story, sans maddening suggestions for perking oneself up, here.

The reason why I’m so irritated about this, outside of the yoga stretching part, is that I already gave up coffee the moment I started TTC – actually a few months before.  My husband-to-be, who usually isn’t vulnerable to these sorts of infomercial type of people, watched too much of that Perricone guy.  In the desperate, "maybe I can lose 10 more pounds" frenzied weeks before my wedding, my then-fiance told me that Perricone sez: if you switched from coffee to tea without changing anything else, you would lose 10-15 pounds.  I read it in the book and Dr. Perricone even promised it to Oprah, transcribed here.

Obviously, this is the biggest, fattest lie ever told and now that I think of it, I’d like to add Dr. P. to my list of people who need a beating.  I faithfully switched from coffee to green tea and – nothing.  This was a big change.  I used to drink espresso every morning.  I used to have a travel espresso maker so that I didn’t have to suffer drinking "regular coffee" in hotel rooms.  I think that thing even worked in the car. 

So, yeah, I gave up coffee and that’s all good.  I really like tea now and I’m glad I don’t consume all that caffeine or coffee.  I don’t sleep worth a damn, anyway, so scaling back the caffeine helps with that, thought not as much as it should.  I’m glad I’m all healthy but I really like caffeine and I’m annoyed I’ve had to give it up.  I had already scaled my caffeine back even further for this cycle, switching to white tea.  White tea is the pale, virginal flower of the tea plant, plucked in the early morning mist and protected from loud music and harsh language until it is made into lovely little sachets of fragrant, delicate tea with miniscule amounts of caffeine.  It’s like fairy tea, like elf tea for crying out loud; and now according to these doctors I shouldn’t even have that.

Of course, none of this matters since I am nowhere near being pregnant, officially or otherwise.  But I am having some little cramps and that is very encouraging.

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