HPT #3 last night and I saw a faint line.  Meanwhile I continue to cramp, a little.  I couldn’t be sure if it was really a line.  Seemed like I burned a hole in the HPT staring at it so hard. 

It was bound to happen, me believing a line that was barely there.  I decided to test this morning to be sure.  This is hell, of course, because I will wake up needing to pee at anywhere from 3 to 6 a.m., and there will be no going back to sleep; if it’s positive I’ll be up.  If it’s negative, I’ll go sit on the living room couch to cry and break the news to my husband when he gets up.  At least one of us will sleep. 

There’s nothing.  I’m not doing that faint line shit anymore.  I am 9dp5dt.  My beta is Tuesday.  If I don’t have any measurable HCG in my system today then I don’t see much hope.  I’m so sad and so angry.  I don’t often ask God "Why?" but I’m doing it today.