I’m off today for a long trip.  I will fly today, drive and arrive tomorrow, and then spend two weeks in a beach house with a lot of family and extended family.  You may think I’m nuts but we have worked hard to be able to be together this much. 

I have a huuuge suitcase and a long pack list so that no conceivable need will go unmet.  Traveling with family means that we don’t miss an issue of the New York Times and we sure as hell don’t miss any meals.  Cooking is a big part of beach house life and I’m a little bit daunted since I’ve been eating out of the packages for a while now.

Speaking of the packages, after a few shopping trips for beachwear I’m noticing that I have lost a little weight, or something.  It’s subtle but I like my clothes better and I think they like me.  I’m also feeling stronger in my workouts.  I’m gigantically encouraged by Karen’s comment that the IVF drugs are the gift that keeps on giving, and are still around in my body.  That’s how it feels, and explains a lot.  I am feeling more normal, emotionally, yesterday and today than I did earlier, and since "normal" can be elusive (I forget what that is) I am glad. 

Anyway, the beach can be orgiastic, foodwise.  We keep a spartan kitchen; which isn’t to say that we don’t have years of food in the cabinets – but it’s all exotic spices and weird flours and fancy oils.  I am dazzled when in other people’s homes to see all the junk and sugar that they consider to be everyday food. 

I’m not taking the packages with me on this trip, because if I’m eating that food I’ll still eat regular ood. I’ll pretend I’m trying to diet, but I won’t be dieting and I’ll come home with a weight gain.  I want the packages to retain their power so I’m leaving them at home.  I also want to practice what I am learning from the packages: small portions and lots of salads can keep me full & happy.  I want to enjoy my vacation, stay very active, and eat the things I love – not every junky thing just because it’s there – and hopefully not gain much, or stay the same. 

Once again I am reminded that getting older is about reduced expectations.  No, I won’t lose 3 pounds a week eating out of the packages as I hoped.  But I’ve been punished enough by my disappointment to now understand that any loss at all is a cause for celebration.  Eating all the right stuff is a cause for celebration even if the scale won’t budge.  Getting my workouts in, too, because I feel wonderful even if I’m still fat.  Yeah, it’s not fair, but what are my alternatives?  Give up, make cheesecake, get even fatter? 

I do have a recipe for chocolate cheesecake somewhere, and a springform pan I’ve never even used…

Uh, no.

Anyway, last year the vacation was hard because I was incredibly depressed from the birth control pills ("this is a faaabulous pill," my RE told me).  My cherished husband has to come late to the beach so I was without him, which is hard, and well, I was not a ray of sunshine.  This year will be better.  I will take pictures and post when I can.

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