511_with_armband I am famously spoiled by my workout gadgets – can’t do ANYTHING without being entertained.  So I am now swimming for almost an hour due to this little beauty.  It is a waterproof case for my MP3 player. I do not own an Ipod, by the way; I have an MP3 player the size of a lipstick that I got two years before the Ipod came out (Ipod dominance of the MP3 interface market is a rant for another day) and it works beautifully.  Mine has a belt pouch, and I got waterproof headphones to go with. 

I get in the pool with my belt pack, my skirted suit and my duct-taped swim goggles, yes, very intimidating am I, and swim my leisurely yet relentless breast stroke for many many laps while listening to a book.  The headphones have little covers on them that help keep the water out of my ears, another plus, and it all works amazingly well.  The first time I walked into the water while listening to an MP3 player was weird, but it works, and I am, I hope, burning more calories.  The nice thing about swimming is, with the distraction of a book being read into my ears, I can do it to the edge of my not inconsiderable endurance and not know it until I (try to) climb out of the pool and walk to the locker room. 

I think I have hormonal issues, even though I am supposedly in a "normal" cycle.  I think it’s maybe too much estrogen.  Estrogen for me is the fly-off-the-handle hormone.  (Progesterone is more about feeling doomed and sobbing quietly.  For days).  There has been some handle-flying lately, and coupled with my abject inability to lose any weight, I’m thinking that might be it.  Since I’m probably going to have maybe one more month after this one before I cycle again, and since I’m about to go on vacation, I probably will have to live with it.  No sense in adjusting my hormones when my RE will just mess them up all over again.  But the swimming really helps with the homicidal rages… it’s so calming, rhythmic, cooling and thoroughly exhausting that I think I can cope. There is no shortage of pools on my vacation route, so we’ll see.

Perimenopause is funny for me.  Yeah, I know, it’s hilarious for just about everyone.  Not funny ha-ha.  Just… ironic.  Since I’m already deep into DE IVF, I have officially given up on most of my own reproductive equipment.  This was a big relief and a big selling point for DE, as I often say: I’m no longer the problem and can now be the client.  So it seems odd and kind of unnecessary that my periods are still pretty regular and I don’t have any peri symptoms.  I don’t count insomnia, since I’ve had that since my early thirties, and since nobody in my family sleeps worth a damn. 

I know that deep down I will not welcome another nail in the coffin of my youth like hot flashes etc.  So as I consider whether this seeming estrogen imbalance is one of my first perimenopause symptoms, I’m just poking myself to see if / where it hurts.  Emotionally speaking.  Mostly, I just feel a shrug.  So, I won’t be able to have babies anymore.  Darn.

Of course the emotional drama brought on by shifting hormones will not be a picnic. I have a friend who has been "doing" menopause since I’ve known her and her anger and moodiness are legendary.  I think it’s probably not her, just the hormones, and I hope that isn’t where I’m headed.  If it is, we all have to hope there’s a pool nearby.