I seem to have a mother of a UTI.  Either that or the elephant that usually sits in the middle of our living room is now sitting on my bladder.  In either case, the act of peeing is now a mythical, longed-for thing, replaced in me by painful need and no relief.  Yesterday we bought a home test kit for UTI (yes! where the hell were those things when we were in college?) and it came up negative, and my symptoms yesterday afternoon seemed to fade.  Until, yes, 3 a.m., when the "gotta pee right NOW" feeling would not leave.  I worked myself into a middle-of-the-night lather that the endo has somehow got my bladder in a death grip, so this is what bladder cancer feels like, it’s not a UTI, it’ll just be like this for the rest of my life; or that this is pregnancy and it’s going to be this agony for 9 months. 

Now I figure the home test wasn’t right – I’m supposed to test with "first morning urine", which is impossible since I’ve been up half the night, and by incredible discipline only allowed myself a pseudo-pee every half hour.   I tested yesterday with afternoon urine, since that’s when it was, and I had to pee.  You know how it is with peesticks; have pee, will test.  That’s why they put two in a package.

Dr. Google says having a UTI is not instant death for the putative babies so I’m not worrying about that.  I return to my stance from yesterday, which is, they’ll either implant or they won’t, and they probably have no idea of the bad weather going on just next door.  They also may be contributing to it by making my uterus get bigger.

I have had very few UTIs in my life, and I understand some finger-pointing is in order since I guess they’re mostly sexually transmitted, or in my case, might be a "complication" of my transfer on Friday.  There has been no sex since Friday (unless you count the speculum) so my husband is off the hook.  But maybe it’s some irritation from the annoying blue estrogen tablets, or who knows.  Ironic that I was so derisive of the gloving & scrubbing OR procedures used for my transfer – maybe they’re over the top except they didn’t WORK.  Or who knows.

I’m waiting for my doctor or one of her minions to call.  Funny, I found one of those lists of drugs and their ratings for pregnancy the other day, and I noticed that one was marked "the preferred drug for UTI" and thought, hmm, do pregnant women get a lot of UTIs?  Yuck.  Not that I’m one of them, yet.  I know there is some bladder analgesic, I saw it at the drugstore, and I’m just hoping that or something like it is also on the OK list for a pseudo-pregnant person like myself.

Symptom watch is canceled for the near term due to distracting bladder agony.

P.S. I have had an ocean of cranberry juice, which now comes sugar-free, thank God.

P.P.S.  Why are prenatal vitamins as big as my head?  I dread taking those big bastards because they get stuck in my throat every.damn.day.  I would happily take 4 or 6 if they were smaller.  I don’t think getting Heimliched on a regular basis is good for the pregnancy (if any), do you?