After dismissing Dr. How-About-Prozac yesterday I went online to see if I agreed with his ideas for my treatment and that started me spinning.  See, Dr. HAP wanted (wants) me to do a 2-month course of Lupron to shut down my endo because he thinks that will affect my chances of getting pregnant.  The theory is that the endo causes a mechanical barrier to conception, not so relevant for me, but also may cause some chemical changes In There that are unfriendly to eggs, sperm, embryos and possibly implantation.  It’s just a theory with not a lot of studies to support it; hence the spinning.  So after dismissing Dr. HAP I spun around to thinking he might just be right. 

It’s soooo seductive to think there’s one problem that we can find and solve and I’ll live pregnant ever after.  It also could be true.  So I got sucked into the Google vortex for awhile yesterday, and ended up thinking maybe I should try an 8-week Lupron course, it’ll shrink the endo which is nice for my pain, and maybe This Could Be the Problem.  But the 8-week Lupron course is basically … menopause.  Ovaries shut down.  Bone pain (bone loss? Fabulous!)  Hot flashes (in summertime).  And probably a wicked hormonal depression to go with the situational depression I got going already.  I read that there are "treatments" for the "side effects" which is not a nice situation to get myself into.  But, what if, what if, what if?

I ended up calling my nice, draws-upside-down, calls-me-back-within-an-hour regular RE; she said there are "no studies" that support higher success rates for DE IVF after a course of Lupron for endo.  She said if I really wanted to do it, I could; I guess I can also audition for American Idol, visit Trader Joe’s on a Saturday, talk about infertility openly with some of my in-laws, listen to 12-tone music, try to sing opera, watch Jerry Springer or burn my hair off.  If I really want to.

In the meantime I have to decide to trust my doctor or switch doctors.  I like this because I like my doctor.  I hate this because I suck at trust.  Of course this is how one gets better at trust. I thought I already learned that trusting myself and my excessive googling over a doctor isn’t trust at all, anyway. 

So I honestly thought I’d be posting right now that we’re postponing the May FET to June so I can do the Lupron thing but … never mind.