I swore I wouldn’t post twice a day.  If I start posting all over the place you’ll know how much I need you and then you’ll stop reading. (it’s some kind of blog-abandonment complex) But I can’t help it.

This is a stupid post because it’s about the people who don’t read the blog so why ask them to do something for me if they’re not going to read this and know what I am asking them?  uhhhhh I’m not sure.

Anyway, I am having conversations like this:

Friend:  So, you have, um… some… didn’t you have uh, eggs left over?  Like to try again?

Me:  I have two embryos in the freezer.

Friend:  and so, um, do you take the drugs… or… I don’t know how all this works.

Me:  (starting to weep from exhaustion)  Yes, I’ll probably do the same protocol as before.  I just don’t know if it’ll be April or May. 

Friend: I’m sorry, I just… don’t understand all this stuff…

It just goes on and on like that.  It’s very distancing, actually. The subtext is “what you are doing is SO WEIRD and COMPLICATED I can’t possibly keep up.”  or “I know you told me this before but it’s so BORING I couldn’t remember any of it.”  Or “I’m so offended by what you’re doing that to learn the right names would somehow defile me.”  I’m half expecting them to start asking if my ha-ha hurts, or if I have to go pee-pee, or something. 

I don’t mind that people are ignorant.  I’m 1) ridiculously smart 2) obsessed 3) have time to learn every nuance of this and 4) have a computer basically growing out of my crotch (could that be the problem?  hmm) so I don’t really expect anyone to completely keep up. 

I have another friend who asks a ton of questions and then REMEMBERS what I told her.  Ahhh.  It’s like balm to my soul.  At one point I said, this is probably more than you want to know and she said, oh no this is fascinating.  That made me feel like she didn’t want to let the knowledge and the science come between us.  I don’t need you to know it all, I need you to act like you want to know at least some of it.   Another friend said “I Googled chemical pregnancy and now I understand what you’re talking about.”

Ahhhh.  Thank you sooo much.  That means the world to me.

But it’s the hemming and the hawing and the “I don’t really understand” like we did in high school, talking to the captain of the football team or something that is pissing me off right now.

But then there’s always a “what do you need?” or “Let me know what I can do.”

So, to all the people who will never read this: Here’s some thing you could do.  Read a magazine article about infertility.  Visit a website.  Don’t make that phone call that was supposed to support me into more time spent trying to educate you.  Realize that if you don’t know what I’m talking about, it would mean the world to me if you tried to educate yourself.  You’d spend an hour, un-read friend, to make me a pie if I told you that would make me feel better.   (FYI, it wouldn’t.)  How about the Resolve website?  The Inciid website?  Being with me right now is a test and some of my friends didn’t study.  Like any good teacher I can tell and I’m hurt.

Once again.. this is a stupid post because if you are reading this you aren’t the painful friends in question.  Felt good anyway.

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