My husband and I have a bottle of champagne left over from the holidays.  We were going to crack it open once I got the all-clear after my second set of mammograms yesterday but we didn’t.  Get the all-clear, that is.  There is definitely something in my right breast; it’s small and doesn’t show up on all views and believe me, they got as many views as they could.  I thought they were going to have me stand on my head.  Anyway, it might be nothing but it might be something and I have to have a special biopsy because it’s so hard to get to and did I mention it’s really small?  Hardly anything about me is petite, but this unidentified thing is less than 1 cm, which means if it were, y’know, uh, cancer, it would be called "minimal."   I’m thinking it can’t be that scary since I begged to be "squeezed in" for a biopsy right away, and the biopsy people couldn’t do it.  I ended up with their "next available", which is January 31st; 2 weeks from yesterday.  Like any marathon runner, I must now adjust my pace.  No way can I maintain yesterday’s level of freakout for 2 more weeks.  So… I’m accentuating the positive.  I’m thinking they’re putting the big-lump "hello I’m cancer" x-ray biopsy people ahead of my petite little mysterious and vague "area of density" and if I had really scary Xrays I’d get fast-tracked. 

So this blows our IVF right out of the water, at least a cycle or so.  And strangely enough, this is OK with me because I am fat.  Fa-aaaa-aaat.  I’ve got the Christmas 1 or 2, on top of the birth control pills 5-6, which joined the post-marriage / honeymoon 8-10.  When I think of how, on my wedding day, I thought I could / needed to drop 10 more lbs, I laugh in a craven, whimpering sort of way.  Getting back into my wedding dress is all I will ever achieve, I think, because I am really good at gaining weight.  I gain weight on WW, or while eating healthy and working out.  I gained weight during marathon training.  If anybody out there needs someone to gain weight for them, I have probably already done it; if only there was a way for me to get it to you.  And I was supposed to start Lupron, aka menopause-and-weight-gain-in-a-bottle, on Saturday.  So this is my chance, for the last time since the last time, again, to take off weight now so I can put it back on later.  Therefore: no IVF, no Lupron, no biopsy for a little while yet; and definitely no champagne.

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